El Baño: El Bane-O de mi Existencia

If there’s one thing I could live without, it’s Indian plumbing. (Or the lack thereof?)

Not going to lie, my parents were fairly apprehensive of me coming to India by myself. But I think I’ve settled in rather nicely, with only the occasional slight-catastrophe here and there. Unfortunately, half the mishaps I have occur in the bathroom.

Awkward.

Luckily, the city has started to steer away from the hole-in-the-ground route, so public restrooms have actual sit-down toilets.

Not so luckily, Indians have yet to discover the beauty of toilet paper.

Do you realize how awkward it is to carry around a roll of toilet paper? I don’t mind carrying around Kleenexes. I don’t particularly care if I have to keep a hand towel in my purse. But a girl should be allowed to draw the line somewhere. Unfortunately, that line cannot be drawn at toilet paper.

But it’s not just toilet paper that’s the issue.

At my grandmother’s house, I am able to keep rolls of toilet paper. The flush, however, does not automatically stop by itself, so you have to fiddle around with it every time you need to flush the toilet. (Or really, you need to fiddle around with it so it stops flushing.) Don’t even think about flushing the toilet if it’s been flushed less than an hour ago.

To add insult to injury, cockroaches and lizards seem to love that bathroom.

But as unpleasant as the bathroom at home is, the one at the lab is ten times worse.

First of all, I most definitely do have to supply my own toilet paper. There is also no soap, trashcan, or paper towels anywhere in sight. Having to bring my own toilet paper, soap and towel is manageable; it’s the toilet itself that’s tricky. The door to the toilet doesn’t close, so I have to use one foot to keep it closed. The lid to the seat automatically shuts, so I have to use one hand to hold it up. And this is all while hovering over an unbelievably dirty seat.

At least I’ll have killer thighs by the end of the summer.

Maybe I’ll be able to join the Chinese circus.

Around the city, the restroom options are even worse. They are few and far between, and yes, you have to pay to use the public toilets in Bangalore. Why anyone would pay to use a toilet in this condition is completely beyond me. Perhaps that’s why, during my commute, I see so many people going at it right on the side of the road. According to my grandmother, the city is building free toilets. But quite honestly, I don’t think I’d even take my chances with a free toilet.

T-minus 8 weeks until I get to use proper plumbing. Huzzah!

-June 3rd